Malaysia

In writing this next section, I have to be very aware of the swear filter on this website. So you may wish to replace the words fish, balloon and shoe with an alternative word beginning with the same letter!

We woke up full of the joys of life at the prospect of leaving Genting. I’m not saying we didn’t enjoy it, but having our toenails pulled out one at a time with rusty pliers would have been more fun!

Catching the bus into Kuala Lumpur, we were dropped off a Monorail ride away from the Sentral train station, where we were catching the overnight train to Singapore.

Arriving at the station a ridiculous number of hours early, we stretched a milkshake out for 3 hours in the food court, then hit on the idea of plugging our laptop into a plug-socket and finally getting around to watching Slumdog Millionaire. So for the next two hours, we sat on the floor in the middle of the station and did precisely that!

Eventually, the time approached to board our train. We were quite excited at the prospect – we had booked the top of the range Aircon, Day/Night First Class Deluxe carriage. The website had shown a separate living and sleeping area, a fridge, en-suite bathroom, flatscreen tv – in short the full works. So imagine our slight displeasure at seeing the room in reality.

Now we are the first to acknowledge that certain things on trips like this are bound to be of a lower standard than in the West. However, the real, real fishing irritant here initially was the complete and utter fishing mis-representation of what we had bought. And the train company is fishing state run!!

Firstly we didn’t have a separate living and sleeping area. Not a big point, but irritating all the same.

Secondly, the fridge had been replaced with a filthy red desk chair.

Thirdly, the air con had somehow vanished.

Fourthly, the tv screen was completely green (more on this later)

Fifthly, the upper bunk bed was faulty and couldn’t be stowed, which meant we couldn’t even sit down properly through a lack of headroom.

Finally, and without a shadow of a doubt the worst, the room was covered in about half a cm of dirt and dust. It had obviously not been cleaned for months. I wouldn't have let a fishing dog sleep in it.

We complained straight away to one of the staff, who said he would try to get us another room but they were all booked up (he must still be looking because he never came back).

By the time the second staff member came around, we’d found so many faults that I let rip. I’m normally quite calm, and it will take a lot to get me to the point where I explode, but by this stage I was in a blind rage. And the nicely nicely approach had been so effective on the first staff member as well!

The condescending balloon had the audacity to say that all the rooms had green TV screens. And here was me thinking that it was to do with the fact that it was a shot to shoe pc monitor! He also gave us a look to show how uninterested he was in the whole matter, which prompted even more anger. Cue lots of slamming doors, nearly wrenching them off their hinges, and hitting computer monitors.

He came back an hour later with our “meal” (and I use the term in the loosest possible sense) and had brought a re-enforcement with him in case things turned nasty. By that stage, having had to clean two months of accumulated filth and shoe off the toilet seat with anti-bacterial handwash, I didn’t dare even look in his direction for fear of what I would do.

We have spent 17 nights in Malaysia. For the first twelve nights we loved the place, the people and everything we were experiencing. For the last five nights, we have dealt with shoe time after shoe time after shoe time, culminating in the complete shoefest that was last night. Much as I really did enjoy the good days here, a 5 in 17 chance of having a shoe time would probably prevent me coming back again.

Last night was by far the worst time on our trip, and we are so glad it’s fishing balloon shoeing over.

(To the tune of "My Favourite Things")

Cold re-cep-tion floors for 2 hour check-ins
Looking for ma-chines that have fair odds betting
Ob-nox-ious mor-ons aware of no-thing
This is what you get when you’re in Genting

In-ed-i-ble food that’s not fit for pig slop
Ev’ry-thing closes at first sign of rain drops
McDonalds wifi without buying a thing
This is what you get when you’re in Genting

Not hav-ing a sleep for four days on the trot
Silent in the night is something they forgot
Me-die-val plumb-ing that’s always rum-bling
This is what you get when you’re in Genting

When the dog bites
When the bee stings
When I'm feeling sad
I simply remember I’m not in Genting
And then I don't feel so bad

Imagine, if you would, the Metro Centre at Gateshead. Now imagine that all the shops are shut, apart from the fast food chains, and the only thing open is the indoor theme park. Now fill the indoor theme park with thousands of the most ignorant, oblivious and loud people you can imagine. Now imagine you’re stuck in the middle of this for four nights in a hotel room with paper thin walls, slowly getting more and more sleep deprived each day. You now have some idea of what we are going through here!

This place is Hell! Get us out of here!

It’s not all bad, as we’d have checked out and headed back to Kuala Lumpur, but it’s the sort of place that you spend the majority of your time in your room rather than face the horrors outside. And luckily, the best thing about the hotel is the views from the room window.

These change every hour as the clouds below form new shapes, and almost make the rest of the resort bearable. We’ve also had a free breakfast included each day, which has saved a bit more cash for us.

The casinos are as we first thought – very limited in terms of choice. We found a couple of machines to go on, but realised pretty quickly that the odds of winning were too high.

Pretty much all we’ve managed to achieve here is to go for a couple of games of bowling. We tried to go on a couple of rides today, but unbelievably they closed down vast sections of the theme park because of (literally) a couple of drops of rain! Including some of the indoor rides!!

We have one day left here, before catching the overnight train from Kuala Lumpur to Singapore. It can’t come quick enough!

After a 5:30 am start, and a successful check-out from the hotel (happily paying our 10 ringgit for our 1 hours internet usage!) we set off on the coach journey to Genting Highlands.

It was great to finally be doing something again. Some of the scenery we passed was amazing.

We even had a film to watch, called (we think) IP Man, which was a Chinese martial arts film set in the second world war occupation by Japan. A quick note on this; when we were in Shanghai watching the hostel DVD’s, we put the English subtitles on one of the films to realise that it was meaningless. This was ok, as the film was in English. However “IP Man” was a Chinese language film with English subtitles, and at times it was utterly hilarious! For example, on screen, someone was trying to get a kite down from a tree. The English subtitles accompanying this were something like “BE ancestral lucky uncle gate open with richness come sell”. We also discovered that for years we have been unaware of the English word “doesing”, which seems to be quite popular in Chinese film translations! If you ever need to spell it, and wonder in what context it would appear, then “BE ancestral lucky uncle gate open DOESING with richness come sell” will probably be of no help whatsoever!

One of the worst aspects of the coach trip was one of the drivers. He talked at a volume level approaching a jet engine and would not shut up. When the second driver went to sleep, thus denying him the chance to speak to anyone, he then phoned most of his friends on his mobile to continue the same high-level chatter. We both had headaches on reaching Genting (as well as murderous thoughts involving mobile phones, rectal areas and ancestral lucky uncles). Also, as always on coach trips, we had the obligatory meaningless stop where the coach drivers could deliver a busload of travellers to a café and get the free meals and kick-backs from the café owners. This wouldn’t have been so bad, if the café wasn’t ten miles from our final destination after 5 hours on the road, and if there had been anything other than a scabby stray dog to look at!

The hotel we are staying in is the fourth biggest in the world. Which means a lot of rooms. And a lot of people. And the most inefficient check-in system in the world. First you queue for a check-in ticket. After ten minutes, you reach the counter and have all your details and check in formalities confirmed. At this stage, you’d think, simply giving you the room key might be a good idea. But no!!! You then get a ticket with a number on it and you have to wait until your number appears on an electronic board before you can go to one of the ten open check-in counters! Our number was 472. When this number was issued the board was displaying number 235.

Two hours of sitting on the floor later, we finally were privileged enough to receive our room key. The room itself is quite basic, but the views are spectacular of the hills surrounding Genting.

Our room is above cloud level, so the scenery below changes as the clouds disperse, and you can see for miles.

After recovering from the journey and check-in we went to explore. Our first impressions have not been too positive. Firstly, it appears that this is no “Vegas”. Many of the attractions appear to be aimed solely at children, and the casino we looked in was poor, with hundreds of exactly the same type of machine and very little choice on how to lose your money. Secondly, we had probably the worst meal of our journey, which was so bad we left half of it and bought chocolate instead! Thirdly, the people here are simply moronic! We have travelled vast portions of Asia in the past six weeks, and one of the undoubted highlights has been the friendliness of the people and the ease in which we’ve dealt with them. Here though, everyone seems to be unaware that anyone else but them exists. After the umpteenth time at sidestepping someone not looking where they were going, I adopted the approach of “if you can’t beat them, flatten them”. I’m a lot bigger than most of the people here, so if they haven’t got the wits to look where they’re going, I certainly am not bothered when they smack into my shoulder as they come off a lot worse! They also have no concept of being quiet in hotel corridors at night, with screaming kids running around the corridors at all hours!

We got out of the commercialism of the place and watched another spectacular lightning storm. It may be the travelling and the tiredness playing a part in our first impressions, but this seems like a place we are really going to have to work at to enjoy! But then again, we’re only here for three more days, so doesing it really matter leaf master come sell now!

Our final day today, in Batu Ferringhi, Penang, was spent as the previous days were; total relaxation! We’ve realised that in nineteen years of being together, we have never had such an extended period of doing practically nothing. Usually, when we’ve had a “beach holiday”, we’ve got restless after a couple of days and hired a car to go exploring but this hasn’t happened here. On Penang, there is the main town Georgetown, there is a funicular railway up to a tree-top suspended bridge on Penang Hill, there is a monkey beach; every time we considered doing any of these we thought about it for a second and then decided Naahhhhhhh!!!

So, in a nutshell, for the past few days we have:

1.Stopped in bed until the afternoon.

2.Watched the entire season 3 of Dexter

3.Gone to a beach café for lunch

4.Gone in the pool

5.Gone onto the main street to the night markets and the eating places

6.Watched the most spectacular nightly lightning storms we’ve ever seen from the balcony in the hotel (they were happening over the sea and lit the entire night sky up – even tried to get pictures of it until we realised the wisdom of being in a high place holding a metal tripod above our heads in an electrical storm!)

7.Repeat as above

The hotel has been possibly one of the best we have stayed in, and had nice touches such as free bottled water delivered each day, a free English newspaper each day and, best of all, the “cookie lady” who brought us a couple of free four inch cookies every night, wrapped in ribbon, which served as our breakfast the next morning! Another plus for the hotel was the ridiculously easy-to-crack internet system. The rates for internet usage were ridiculous, but we paid for an hour on the first day, my pc then blocked the automatic log off that should have happened after the hour expired and hey presto! Free unlimited internet for the rest of the week!!

We’ve really relaxed and loved Penang, but are now getting “twitchy” to get back onto the road. We’ve needed the break, and it’s recharged our batteries, but we cant wait to start ticking off places again, not least Australia in ten days time!

We go to Genting Highlands tomorrow, heading south again, which is a casino resort situated just outside Kuala Lumpur on a hilltop above cloud level. We originally had booked a flight back to Kuala Lumpur from Penang, but have found a much more cost effective coach journey to get us there. So, an early start tomorrow, and a five and a half hour bus journey to our next stop!

Life in Penang for the past three days has continued to be idyllic. The sunburn has now recovered (we’ve entered the skin peeling stage now!) and the past few days have been all about relaxation and not much else!

On the negative side, one of our worries when we left came true, as we heard the house had been broken into. Luckily, we’d already removed anything of value before we set off, so nothing at all was taken, and our neighbours were fantastic and repaired the damage to the doors. A big thanks to my Mum and Dad as well, who dropped everything at a moments notice and drove the two hour round trip to ensure everything was sorted.

THANKS MUM AND DAD!!!

Its come to my attention over the past couple of weeks that a couple of the subscribers to this site appear to have difficultly in identifying animals pictures I’ve posted. The main culprit has been this picture, taken at Angkor Wat in Cambodia.

It is not:

A. A lizard
B. A seal
C. A ram

If anyone clicks on the image, you can quite easily see it’s a Bloody Aardvark!!
(got me doing it now - actually it’s a monkey!!).

The five weeks constant travel have been a distant memory as we have relaxed at the hotel.

Apart from suffering third degree burns after being in the pool on our second day here (nobody said you have to put suncream on after swimming!), and going on a snake hunt when one appeared in the palm tree at the side of our sun lounger, its just been completely idyllic. The food is great, the weather is great, the hotel is great, the beach is great.

Life is great!

Setting off at 10 am for our re-arranged flight to Penang, and dreading the hassle of monorail and express train to the airport (the journey had taken us two and a half hours with full packs four days earlier), we were pleasantly surprised to find that the hotel could arrange us a taxi outside the hotel for 70 Ringgit to the airport (less than it would’ve cost on the train!). This equated to around £14 for a journey taking one hour by road, so well worth it!

Arriving at the airport, we found our re-arranged flight had been cancelled, so we were now booked on the third flight we had been given! This flight was also delayed so we eventually arrived in Penang four hours later than anticipated.

We then had to catch another taxi from one end of the island to the other, with a journey time of around 55 minutes, and arrived at our hotel. We had booked this as a luxury eight day escape to regroup and recover from five weeks on the road, and we were not disappointed. We had booked a standard room facing the hillside, but were upgraded for nothing to a superior room facing the sea! And the room is so big you can get lost in it! I’m sure we’ll look back at this when we’re spending months in the campervans in Australia and New Zealand!!

We took some quick photos from the view of one of the hotel balconies.

We then headed downstairs and I jumped into the pool, washing away five weeks of dust, grime and tiredness immediately!

One brilliant meal aboard a ship-themed restaurant and one DVD purchase from the night markets later, we headed back to the room to start a week long chill-out!

Today we visited Batu Caves, one of our main objectives when coming to Kuala Lumpur. This is a Hindu cave temple, based just outside the city centre. We were faced with two choices for getting there:

1. Catch the monorail, walk ten minutes to the subway, get the subway, walk five minutes to the bus stop, get the bus

OR

2. Get a taxi

Surprisingly to no-one we opted for option 2. This in itself was fun, as we got the jolliest taxi driver in the world, who proceeded to give us a free guided tour en-route (the fare had already been paid using a taxi booth so it was a bit of a freebie!).

The main feature at Batu Caves that we wanted to see was the enormous statue at the foot of the stairs.

We then walked up to the caves themselves, up 272 very steep stairs in baking temperatures. Luckily the stairs were numbered so we knew exactly how little of them we’d done at any stage!

One of the things with Batu Caves is the sheer number of monkeys that live there. There are warnings to keep your belongings close to you, as they steal anything they can!

There were many Hindus who had shaved their heads as offerings and were making there way to the caves to give this offering. There were also families taking children to the caves (we think to be blessed – hopefully not as another offering!)

We’d read reports that the caves themselves are quite disappointing. How wrong those reports were! On reaching the top of the 272 stairs, we entered a dark cave with water dripping from the walls (to the extent that we were quickly saturated).

We headed towards the back of the dark cave, up yet more stairs, and reached the final cave area, which was open to the sky above (making it technically not a cave but who cares!).

The walls of the cave extended to hundreds of feet above on all sides, and the sun rays cast brilliantly on the falling water and the smoke from the Hindu temple in the centre.

The sounds of the sitar music and Hindu singing just added to the dreamlike qualities of the area, and the vast monkey colonies were everywhere.

When we could pull ourselves away, we headed back down the stairs and out. There were other temples on the ground level, but the heat was biblically hot and humid and we didn’t have the energy to look at these further.

Batu Caves was the most magical experience on the trip so far. If you’re ever in Kuala Lumpur, make the effort and do it!

We headed back to the hotel, had another Nando’s meal, and then blew most of our under-budget savings on appropriate beach footwear and a 500gb portable hard drive! We then packed our rucksacks for the umpteenth time in preparation for our 8 days beach holiday in Penang tomorrow.

Waking up pretty late, we skipped breakfast (as it was the afternoon before we left the room!) and headed to Berjaya Times Square mall, which we had seen from our room window. This was a massive shopping mall, over 10 floors high with its own theme park, and our main reason for going was to check out whether there was anything on at the IMAX cinema (there wasn’t!). Instead, we managed to find a place to eat and had a most tasty Malaysian buffet food for dinner.

We then caught the subway to Bukit Nanas stop to visit the Menara Kuala Lumpur (or KL Tower as it is known).

This is the fourth largest telecommunications tower in the world, and the highest point in Kuala Lumpur you can get to.

The views of the Petronas Towers were magnificent, and became all the more dramatic for a thunderstorm which hit as we were at the top.

Our ticket price also gave us admission to a couple of other attractions at the tower, namely the Winter Park and the Animal Zone. Having waited for the driving rain to stop, we went first to the Winter Park. The highlight (or indeed onlylight) of this was being adopted by a family of fibre-glass Christmas penguins!

We then went to the Animal Zone, which was much better. I took the opportunity to have my picture taken with a snake (which was nice).

Surprisingly, Mandy even touched the snake, before running a mile when the handler tried to put it around her neck!

After this we headed back to the hotel, and I composed a song for the day which quickly drove Mandy crazy (and after repeating it all night I was in need of psychiatric treatment!). The lyrics for posterity were:

“She touched a snake”
“She touched a snake”
“She touched a snake, She touched a snake, She touched a snake”
“She touched a snake”
“She touched a snake”
“She touched a sna-a-ake”
“She touched a snake”

(repeat until delirium sets in!)